Friday, 30 January 2009

Garden of Weedin

I had a garden and one day the long grass needed cutting. I gave it a short back and sides and my fingers turned green. The compost corner was telling dirty jokes and threw dung at me.
Tried to trim the roses but it was the war of the roses they pricked me!! The raspberries gave me a raspberry when i went to pick them. The apples stalked me and gave me the pip in my eye. Not the apples of my eye. The spring onions sprung to life dancing bringing tears to my eyes. The potatoes going bad threw peel and eyed me up. The callous cauliflowers gave me the cauliwobbles. The pears ganged up on me in pairs going pear shaped. I pulled at the weeds they became weird shouting, " Weed, Weed." Bill and Ben came from the bottom of the garden. Time to wave bye bye.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

Woke Up On The Right Side Of Bed

I woke up on the right side of the bed. I had a close shave as the razor sharpley attacked me. Also had a brush with my teeth.
I put the kettle on but it wouldn't fit. Poured a cup of P ( it tasted like it).
For breakfast i put on the TV and ate a bowl of the porridge programme. It tasted like Strangeways
My mobile alarm buzzed it had a bee in it. I flew out the door after sprouting wings to catch the bus. I arrived at the office, opened a file and did my nails. My boss called me into his office.
He remarked, "You've got up on the right side of the bed again, you've put your slippers on the wrong feet they're on mine."

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Collapse of Old Building on Park Road

I work as a volunteer at the Innovations Factory IT drop in Centre corner of Park Road and Park Street Dingle. It was on Tuesday that i was at home having my collapsed bay window ceiling plastered when the building on Park Road collapsed. I would have passed the building at roughly the same time as it fell onto the pathement and road on the way to the IT Centre.
Good job i was being plastered elsewhere.

Saturday, 24 January 2009

The Clothes Episode

My pants legged it and turned up at a place called The Pant in Welshpool.
My shirt shirked and became shirty. My shoes were a heal and with out soul they gave me the boot. My socks became odd and socked it to me. My jumper became jumped up and pulled the wool over my eyes. My briefs fell out with me and fell down. My pyjamas left for a party. My friend's skirt shirked and skirted off. Her sweater sweated profusely. My thermals caught fire and singed my....................... eye lashers of course. When i eventually found some of my clothes i put them on a clothes horse but it ran away to Ascot!!!

Be Aware of Pongy Neighbours

If your thinking of moving to the countryside there maybe something stirring in the wind. With nearby storage of waste materials, mucky, slurry dungy things may manifest. A pong in the wind may carry to your door from the nearby farms. You may have to call your home the Pongyrosa or Pongy Wind in the Willows. Poo, poo the idea to moving to rural parts?
This is todays stinky news phew.

Obama calling Obama calling

Obama is calling on London in April for the G20 special summit.
Will Obama's coming be in time to save the world?
Is the world ready for Obama?
Will he have enough time to solve the world's problems?
At least we have and at last we have an American president of substance.
Hail to the man of destiny carrying the world's burdens on his shoulders.

Exterminate Exterminate

Toxteth born Chief Dalek John Scott Martin has passed away and gone to the land of Daleks . ( hopefully not)
Chief Dalek for 110 episodes he enjoyed the part because his identity was hidden.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

Vera's Poems

The following poems are by Vera Crossfield from Orrell Park Community Centre (to be read out by The Town Crier on the fifth Floor: Tate Liverpool)
We are a happy cheerful lot 'girls' of Orrell park
We meet each monday, ready for any lark,
We sit and talk, and laugh a lot, and put the world to wise
We listen tentatively to our speakers, that Margi organise
Our projects that we engaged in, of that there has been many.
Of outings in buses that sometimes don't cost us a penny.

With Helen and Lilian just ready to go
There is Stella and Eileen, Ann and Joan,
Vilma and Vera and we hardly ever moan
We are open house to one and all
Come and join us we have a ball

Mondays 1pm til 3pm
Orrell park Community Centre
Moss Lane


I have known pain
I have known sorrow
I have known loss
Of which there is no gain

These things will happen
Along your future life
As they did in mine
It is life's pattern

As your life will unfold
Build a good character
Live life to the full
In time like me you will be old

Go forth dear youth
Live, love and be ahppy
And before you can know it
You too will be long in the tooth!

By Carol Atkinson and Vera Crossfield

Once a thriving shipping port
Now more famous for its sport
Men grew rich through human trade
Slaves transported - fortunes made
Trading links brought untold wealth
Splendor bought with pain and stealth

As years ro9ll by and time oves on
Those trading links have long since gone
The docks fall into disarray
We learn the phrase urban decay,
As jobs are lost along wiht pride
Life seems bleak on Merseyside

But as sail through eighties gate
We hear the term regenerate
The Albert Dock restored inside
Houses built or gentrified
No longer desolate and forlorn
The City Centre is reborn

Now this city has new fame
The Capital of Culture name
A chance for growth and to create
Will culminate in year 08
The city's art is celebrated
Music, poets, actors, feted

But urban troubles still remain
The yobs that treat us with disdain
Graffitti, litter, theft with knives
Guns and violence blight our lives

Still Liverpool's spirit can't be broke
Nolonger always England's joke
The people full of fun and humour
Rise above the scorn and rumour
Always changing, vibrant and cool
The dynamic city of Liverpool!

Monday, 19 January 2009


The House of Snores (Lords sleeping). Sleeping fishermen Rip Van Winklers. School Govenors Sleepy heads. Sleeping nutters pillow cases. Loud mouths sleeping wind bags.
Bed lambs ( sheep counting sheep) Cat naps. zzzzzz meow zzzzz meow. Dirty old man fourty winks. Bags under the eyes ( Specsaver shopping bags.) Sleepless in Liverpool Calm eiderdown, Not a lorra kip. Slumber Jack sleeping tree feller. Goodnight bed room suite dreams.

Back Benchers, Front benchers?

Front benchers , back benchers. They sit and debate the same rhetoric. But if they sat on deck chairs debate seaside issues rising tides? Rocking horses gambling.? Armchairs arnaments.?
Couches potatoes.? Three piece sweets jelly babys, smarties, gob stoppers.? Stools pigeons.? Wicker chairs the environment.? Baby chairs growing up.? Rocking chairs old age. ?
Chair man and chair women. What about the chair children?

The Ice Age Goeth?

Glaciers disppearing. No more ice creams? Ice bound land masses melting. No ice for my tea? Rising sea levels must learn to swim and buy a good mop? Will there be a greener green land? Snow good worrying cuts no ice i already use less energy. I will move to South America where the sea levels are higher.

Safer World Give The Trident Missles a Miss?

We already have a vast amount of missles in the world that can destroy humankind 100 times over. The UK should be one of the first countries to disband them pave the way for others.
The billions spent on them should go towards creating and educating a far more peacful world without threats.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Bush Has Gone Cometh The Man

Bush has branched himself off. Many times he was the burning bush sprouting dead leaves.
He never twigged the real world or real problems. With his prickley rhetoric, a thorn in the side. Dead wood has drifted away. Obama is a charmer, not an alarmer. A man with a mission with vision a panorama. Not a two headed Lamma. He will bring real drama, karma. With a bit of Ghandi, John Lennon and the Dahli Lama.

Warning Storm Brewing and Not in a T-Cup

There is a storm coming next week not from the economic climate but from the weather forecast. Gales, heavy rain, blizzards, hurricane gusts of over 100mph. Keep dry, keep safe and keep warm. Wrap up well.

Life On Mars?

Is there Life on Earth? Have we lost the way to be less selfish more kind, respectful more humble. Love our planet, love our people, animals, nature and learn to love your self. Be more happy and content.There is only one life, one destiny, one you.


If you go to the 'Greenpeace' website you can join the 'AIRPLOT' project and become the benficiary of some land in the village of Sipson,north of Heathrow airport, which is where the 3rd runway is proposed to be built.

You can refuse to let Heathrow airport make a compulsory purchase of your land and therefore help save the planet from airplane emissions which are contributing to global warming and the destruction of our environment.

Saturday, 3 January 2009

Happy New Year

Rocky, funky, jazzy new year. Appreciate all music.
Joggy new year keep fit and healthy.
Nappy new year bring up your children well with good nature and manners.
Chatty new year communicate with others in a happy and respectful way.
Ecology new year save energy and recycled stuff.
Dump the junk food new year eat more fruit and veg.
Drink less alcohol and life threatening substances new year.
Be kind to your neighbour new year

New Year Resolution

Time to end wars. Condemn the war mongers agressors. Help the worlds destitute, starving.
Save on energy burn less power use a bike instead of car. Help to save the environment by supporting green issues. Be good to one another instead of arguing, fighting learn to love and laugh more. Watch less violent movies watch more comedy fun filled films/shows. Instead of turning to crime value, love your fellow beings we only live here on once in a short space of time.
Visit culture and history more. Learn more about yourself, where you live
and about other cultures. Visit cathedrals, churches lite a candles for peace, love, harmony.
Be courteous, helpful, kind, humble. Dont think of material things or money be less selffish. Eat less fatty foods and more healthier stuff.
Be positive good things will come when you have good karma.